A Guide to Using Pronouns
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Using Correct Pronouns is Easy!
Pronouns Are Easy!
Proper pronoun usage is not hard. It is common to hear people say that using pronouns correctly is difficult, but it just requires mindfulness and a willingness to retrain ourselves to embrace a new level of awareness in our relationships. Folx with Faith emerged from within the New Thought Movement and is associated with the Unity movement. One of the key principles of New Thought is that whatever we choose to believe about ourselves or about life becomes true for us. The more we affirm difficulty, the more we will experience difficulty. However, this is not a difficult topic.
Anytime we learn something new, it may feel uncomfortable at first. We always have a choice. If we are unwilling or resistant to learning new things or make it hard to practice new behaviors, that becomes our experience. However, we can also learn and grow through grace. Embracing the practice of proper pronoun usage as an opportunity to support and affirm others, creating a more inclusive and respectful environment.
Affirmation: “Learning new things comes easily to me. I find joy in learning and practicing new behaviors. I am open to making changes that support and affirm the identities of others.”
Definition of Pronouns
Pronouns are words used to replace nouns in a sentence, allowing us to avoid repetition and make our speech and writing more fluid. Common examples include “he,” “she,” “they,” and “they.” Pronouns are an essential part of language, reflecting aspects of identity such as gender and number.
Gendered Pronouns
In many languages, pronouns are gendered, meaning they change depending on the gender of the person they refer to. For example, English traditionally uses “he” for males, “she” for females, and “they.” This system of gender-specific pronouns can sometimes create challenges, especially in situations where the gender of the person is not known or when referring to someone who prefers gender-neutral pronouns.
Another issue that many English speakers cite is that the traditional singular term for non-specific gender references is the same word used for plural references. Here are a few examples distinguishing between the two:
Plural reference:
“All of my friends pooled their money to buy me a ticket to Hawaii for my birthday. I don’t know how they kept that secret from me.”
Non-specific gender reference:
“I went to the doctor yesterday to look over the results of my tests, and they said that I am healthy.”
In the English language, the word “they” can represent both an individual and a group, which can sometimes complicate our use of language.
Issues concerning gender and pronoun usage commonly arise in situations where it is necessary to choose between gender-specific pronouns, even though the gender of the person or persons being referred to is not known, not specified, or (for plurals) mixed. Historically, “he” referred to a generic person whose gender is unspecified in formal language, but the gender-neutral singular “they” has long been common in informal language and is becoming increasingly so in formal language.
Gender-Neutral Languages
Many languages around the world do not have gender distinctions in personal pronouns, and some lack any system of grammatical gender altogether. Here are some examples:
- Austronesian Languages
- Tagalog: This language uses the pronoun “siya” for both “he” and “she,” as well as “they” in a(singular non-specific gender reference. Native nouns in Tagalog are also gender-neutral unless gender is specified with additional words (e.g., “anak na lalaki” for “son”).
- Uralic Languages
- Finnish: Finnish uses the pronoun “hän” to refer to both “he” and “she.” The language is gender-neutral, meaning it does not have gendered nouns or pronouns.
- Turkic Languages
- Turkish: In Turkish, the pronoun “o” is used for “he,” “she,” and “they” (singular non-specific gender reference). Turkish lacks grammatical gender, making it a gender-neutral language.
- Niger-Congo Languages
- Swahili: Swahili has a system of noun classes based on characteristics such as animacy rather than gender. The pronoun “yeye” can be used to refer to either “he” or “she.”
- Sinitic Languages
- Chinese: In Mandarin Chinese, the spoken pronoun “tā” is used for “he,” “she,” and “they” (singular non-specific gender reference). Written characters differ to denote gender when necessary.
- Armenian
- In Armenian, the third-person pronoun “նա” (na) means both “he” and “she,” and “նրանք” (nranq) is used for “they.” Armenian does not use gendered pronouns.
Genderless Languages
Some languages do not have any grammatical gender, meaning they do not categorize nouns as masculine or feminine and use the same word for “he” or “she” when referring to humans. Examples include:
- Basque: The Basque language is largely gender-free, with most nouns not indicating gender. Pronouns are also gender-neutral.
- Finnish: As mentioned, Finnish lacks grammatical gender and uses the pronoun “hän” for both “he” and “she.”
- Estonian: Estonian does not categorize nouns by gender, and the same pronoun “tema” is used for both “he” and “she.”
- Persian: Persian is a gender-neutral language, using the pronoun “او” (u) for both “he” and “she,” and does not have gendered grammatical rules.
Understanding the diversity of pronoun usage across different languages highlights the cultural and linguistic variations in how gender is perceived and expressed. This awareness helps us recognize that our perspectives on gender and pronouns are deeply influenced by the culture and language system in which we were raised.
The “gender/pronoun” debate is relatively new, and people often center their cultural experiences within this discussion. However, history, linguistics, and cultural perspectives demonstrate that humans have developed language in diverse ways. By examining the full spectrum of human history, we see that the concept of gender and pronouns is cultural rather than universal. This underscores the importance of evolving our modern language to be inclusive and affirming. When we consider these cultural variations, the question is not whether we need to expand our language, but whether we want to create communities of inclusion and use language as a tool to create safe and inclusive spaces. This perspective encourages us to shift away from centering our own cultural narratives and broaden our understanding. By doing so, we can make the necessary changes to create more inclusive communities.
Why Using Correct Pronouns Matter
Pronouns are more than just words; they are a fundamental aspect of identity and respect. Using the correct pronouns for someone acknowledges their identity and affirms their existence. It shows that we see them for who they are and that we respect their expression of authenticity. This simple act of recognition can significantly impact someone’s sense of belonging and self-worth. This is especially important in spiritual communities. Far too often, spiritual, and religious communities have been at the center of ignorance and discrimination related to gender identity. Correctly using pronouns is a powerful way to show support and foster inclusivity.
Moreover, pronouns matter because they help dismantle harmful stereotypes and norms surrounding gender. As we try to use the appropriate pronouns, we challenge the traditional binary view of gender and recognize the diverse spectrum of identities that exist. This practice benefits those who are directly impacted and educates and informs others, promoting a broader understanding, awareness, and acceptance of gender diversity. Using correct pronouns is a small yet significant step toward creating a more inclusive, respectful, and empathetic society for everyone.
Pronouns in the English Language
This is a chart of the most used pronouns in English, including their subjective, objective, possessive, and reflexive forms.
|
Pronoun |
Subjective |
Objective |
Possessive Adjective |
Possessive Pronoun |
Reflexive |
|
He |
he |
him |
his |
his |
himself |
| She | she | her | her | hers |
herself |
| They |
they |
them |
their |
theirs |
themselves |
Neopronouns
Neopronouns are less commonly used and might not be encountered as frequently. However, being aware of them is valuable as communities develop and relationships are built. Neopronouns serve the same grammatical functions as traditional pronouns but can offer more personalized expressions of gender identity.
This is a chart of neopronouns in English, including their subjective, objective, possessive, and reflexive forms. It also provides a pronunciation guide.
|
Pronoun |
Subjective |
Objective |
Possessive Adjective |
Possessive Pronoun | Reflexive | Pronunciation |
| Ze/Zie | ze/zie | hir | hir | hirs | hirself | /zee/, /here/, /heerself/ |
| Xe | xe | xem | xyrs | xyrs | xemself | /zee/, /zem/, /zurs/ |
| Ver | ver | vir | vis | vis | virself | /ver/, /vir/, /vis/ |
| Per | per | per | pers |
pers |
perself | /pur/, /pur/, /purs/ |
| E/Ey | e/ey | em | eirs |
eirs |
eirself | /ee/, /em/, /airs/ |
| Fae | fae | faer | faers | faers |
faerself |
/fay/, /fair/, /fairself/ |
| Ae | ae | aer | aers | aers | aerself | /ay/, /air/, /airself/ |
| Elle |
elle |
elles | elles | se | se | /el/, /els/, /se/ |
Definitions and Context
Neopronouns: Neopronouns are a category of new (neo) pronouns that are increasingly used by people who do not feel comfortable with traditional gender pronouns like he, she, or they. These pronouns can provide a more accurate and personalized representation of someone’s gender identity.
While neopronouns are less common and people may not frequently come across them, it is helpful to be aware of their existence and usage. This awareness supports the ongoing development of inclusive communities and fosters respectful relationships.
Proper Pronoun Usage
Addressing the topic of gender and using correct pronouns requires thoughtful effort. To assist in this process, we have developed several recommendations to help people incorporate the proper use of pronouns into their communities and personal lives.
Best Practices
How to Ask Someone Their Pronouns Respectfully
- Direct Approach: Politely ask, “What pronouns do you use?” or “Can you remind me of your pronouns?” This shows respect and willingness to acknowledge their identity.
- Introducing Yourself: When meeting someone new, introduce yourself with your own pronouns, e.g., “Hi, I’m James, and my pronouns are he/they. How about you?” This sets a precedent for sharing pronouns.
- In Written Forms: Include a field for pronouns in registration forms, email signatures, and name tags to normalize the sharing of pronouns in various settings.
Using Pronouns Correctly in Sentences
- Practice Makes Perfect: Familiarize yourself with various pronouns and practice using them in sentences. For example, “Alex said they would join us later,” or “Jordan mentioned that ze completed the project.”
- Consistency: Once you know someone’s pronouns, make a conscious effort to use them correctly. This includes using the correct pronouns in all contexts, not just when the person is present.
- Corrections: If you make a mistake, quickly correct yourself and move on without making a big deal out of it. For example, “She – I mean, they – are coming to the meeting.”
Avoiding Assumptions
The Importance of Not Assuming Gender when Using Pronouns
- Diverse Identities: Understand that gender expression and appearance do not always align with gender identity. Making assumptions based on appearance can lead to misgendering, which can be hurtful.
- Default to Neutral: When unsure of someone’s pronouns, use gender-neutral pronouns like “they” until you can ask for their pronouns. This shows respect and reduces the risk of misgendering.
Strategies for Respectful Communication
- Active Listening: Pay attention when people share their pronouns and make a mental note of them. Use these pronouns consistently in future interactions.
- Inclusive Language: Use inclusive language that does not presuppose gender. For example, instead of saying “ladies and gentlemen,” say “everyone” or “folks.”
- Educational Approach: Gently correct others if you notice them misgendering someone, and provide a brief explanation if necessary. For example, “Actually, Sam uses they/them pronouns.”
- Apologize and Correct: If you misgender someone, apologize briefly, correct yourself, and move on. For example, “I’m sorry, I meant to say they are joining us.”
Progress Not Perfection
- Embrace Continued Learning: Understand that language and social norms evolve, and it’s important to stay informed and open to new knowledge about pronouns and gender identities.
- Be Patient with Yourself: Recognize that making mistakes is part of the learning process. When errors occur, correct them, learn from them, and move forward.
- Support Each Other: Foster a supportive environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing their pronouns and correcting each other respectfully.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Give yourself grace as you learn and adapt to using correct pronouns. Self-compassion encourages a positive and patient mindset.
- Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your efforts and improvements in using correct pronouns, no matter how small they may seem.
Recommendations for Community Organizations and Religious/Spiritual Centers
- Leadership Pronoun Announcements: Encourage leaders to announce their pronouns when they speak to set an example and normalize the practice.
- Pronoun Sharing in Small Groups: Ask for pronouns during introductions in small group settings to create a respectful and inclusive environment.
- Pronoun Stickers: Provide pronoun stickers for name badges to allow individuals to display their pronouns visibly.
- Inclusive Forms: Include fields for pronouns on registration and sign-in forms to normalize sharing and respecting pronouns.
- Pronoun Education: Offer workshops or informational sessions about pronoun usage and gender inclusivity to educate community members.
- Visible Signage: Display signs and posters that promote the importance of respecting pronouns and inclusive language.
Affirmation: “Learning new things comes easily to me. I find joy in learning and practicing new behaviors. I am open to making changes that support and affirm the identities of others.”
Folx with Faith
At Folx with Faith, we understand the profound importance of creating safe spaces for queer people to explore their spirituality. These spaces are vital for fostering a sense of belonging and affirmation, allowing individuals to connect with their faith, embrace their authentic selves, and find unique paths to spiritual fulfillment. One of the ways we cultivate these spaces is by promoting the proper use of pronouns, which is a fundamental aspect of respecting and affirming each person’s identity.
Using correct pronouns is not difficult, but it does require mindfulness and a commitment to learning. By making the effort to use the correct pronouns, we demonstrate our respect for each individual’s identity and contribute to a more inclusive and supportive community. Our commitment is to support the building and maintaining of communities that affirm every person’s identity as an expression of divine love.
Having local groups can be an integral part of creating safe and inclusive spaces. Local communities provide the opportunity for personal connections, mutual support, and a deeper sense of community. They enable individuals to share their journeys, offer encouragement, and celebrate each other’s growth in a safe and inclusive environment. Folx with Faith offers a variety of resources and support systems to help establish and sustain these local groups, ensuring they remain vibrant and affirming spaces for all.
We invite you to join us in this mission. Whether you are looking to join a group, start a group, or simply stay informed through our newsletter, there are many ways to get involved and support our vision of a world where queer individuals feel empowered to explore their spirituality in safe, supportive, and inclusive spaces.
