What Animals Teach Us About Life, Identity, and Chosen Family
by AJ Stutzer
The Bonds That Raise Us
Anyone who has loved an animal knows how deeply personal human-animal bonds can become. Although our cats, dogs, lizards, and birds may not speak as we do, they communicate in different ways. From the cat who uses gentle head and paw boops to indicate that it’s time for dinner, to the beagle who uses her urine as a targeted weapon on that boyfriend-who-just-wasn’t-right-for-you’s shoe, animals know how to get their point across to their family.
I grew up in a home that respected all animals and treated the ones living there as family. I didn’t have human brothers and sisters, but I absolutely had two stray-turned-indoor cats and a slew of rescue dogs who helped raise me. These beloved friends taught me about consent, boundaries, and told on me when I started getting into teenage trouble.
Daphne and Becoming Myself
Long after my furry family members died, I eventually found my own, real-deal animal companion. A beagle (yes, the one referenced in the first paragraph) whom I named Daphne. She showed me that I, in fact, did not know everything, and I had a lot to learn about adulthood. I credit Daphne with teaching me about myself, including helping me discover that I wasn’t the queer ally I thought I was, I was actually the queer, non-binary person I had been defending all my life. Daphne, her whippet-beagle brother, and her cat cousin were the ones whom I knew I could come home to if my human family and partner couldn’t accept me.
Animals as Chosen Family
Since Daphne’s death, I’ve had the privilege of adding new animals to my family and helping many others pass on to their next adventure. Each of these creatures has shown me just how essential animals are as chosen family. Animals are often the beings who sit still with us during our wins and losses and are privy to our authentic selves. They see all of us, including the mistakes we make, the messes we neglect to clean up, and the acts of kindness we don’t tell anyone about — all the while staying faithfully by us in silence and encouraging us to keep going another day.
Each animal in my life, past and present, continues to teach me about myself and the world around me, all while supporting me unwaveringly as my personal identities ebb, flow, expand, and contract. After all, the lessons the animals in our lives teach us are never complete. Even long after some of my animal companions’ deaths, I continue to hear their wisdom:
Daphne
“You did the best for who you were in the moment. How could you do what you didn’t know was possible?”
Snowbird
“You said what had to be said, and reflected your authentic self. You will learn how to say it without your claws out in time.”
Puff
“Just think how far you’ve come. You are living as your true self, proudly. It’s okay to be frightened sometimes. I got scared in stressful situations, too.”
An Invitation
Let the animals who have and continue to grace you with their presence remind you that you are part of their family. They’ve seen every version of you, and while they may agree that you’re messy at times, so are they. The beings in our lives who allow us to live our truth help us become the versions of ourselves we’re most proud of.
So, give that community cat a head scratch, or wave at the robin who chooses your tree to build their nest in; you never know who or where the next member of your chosen family may come from.
Upcoming Folx with Faith Gathering
with AJ Stutzer
Feb 28, 2026 | 10:30 AM CT
Animals are often part of our chosen family. Companions who walk with us through joy, transition, and healing. For many LGBTQ+ folks, animals are steady sources of love and belonging when other relationships felt uncertain or unsafe.
In this Folx with Faith gathering, AJ Stutzer will guide us through a reflective, discussion-based exploration of how animals have shown up in our lives spiritually and emotionally. Drawing from their work in animal chaplaincy, grief care, and ritual creation, AJ will offer gentle prompts and practices that honor the full arc of relationship with our animal companions.
This space is open to anyone who has loved, or is loving, an animal companion, whether past or present. You do not need to be experiencing grief to participate; curiosity, tenderness, and care are welcome here.
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- About the Author
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James Masters (he/they) is a member of Unity Church of Overland Park, where they actively teach classes and participate in community events. They are a Licensed Unity Teacher (LUT) in the Unity movement and have been deeply engaged in spiritual study since 1999, and the New Thought/Metaphysics movements in 2005.
James is a contributing author for the bestselling anthologies The Courageous Heart, Enduring Wisdom, and The Grateful Soul. They are a artist and personal coach specializing in spiritual and relational development, guiding others toward deeper self-awareness and empowerment.
Beyond their work in spiritual education, James has a strong commitment to social justice and community service. They helped establish an all-genders shelter and regularly volunteer to support those experiencing housing and food insecurity. Their knowledge of technology and unwavering compassion for others make them a valuable force for positive change in their community.
