Queer Holiday Survival Thriving Guide: Reclaiming Joy and Finding Community
The holiday season can be a magical time of year—twinkling lights, warm gatherings, and shared love. But for many in the LGBTQIA+ community, it can also be a challenging reminder of what we may have lost or what we long for: acceptance, connection, and a sense of belonging. For some of us, the holidays are a time of joy. For others, it’s a time of navigating painful memories. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, it’s okay. This guide is about thriving, not just surviving, and finding ways to make the holidays meaningful on our own terms.
For a short while after I came out, I was estranged from my family. The holiday season became something I dreaded, something I did my best to avoid. Even though I had a group of friends who welcomed me into their gatherings, there was an undeniable loneliness that lingered. Being surrounded by people didn’t always mean feeling connected. The holidays often highlighted the loss of my family and the traditions we once shared. I felt like an outsider, even in a crowd.
But over time, things began to change. I decided to reclaim the holidays and create my own traditions and rituals. I began focusing on the beauty of the season—not the commercial hustle and bustle, but the little things that made me feel alive: the crisp winter air, the glow of candles in my home, the warmth of a good meal shared with friends. I found ways to bring beauty into my space, even if it wasn’t decorated with traditional holiday decor. Eventually, my parents became more and more accepting, and I was able to incorporate them back into my holiday celebrations on my own terms—which felt like a powerful, healing choice.
I know many of us in the LGBTQIA+ community have complicated relationships with the holidays, and some may be facing them alone. I want to share a few strategies for not only surviving this season but also thriving—finding joy, connection, and comfort in a way that feels genuine to you.
A Queer Holiday Survival Thriving Guide
Finding and Creating Community
1. Take Part in Community Events
If you already have a group of friends or chosen family, consider hosting or participating in events like “Friendsgiving” or other holiday gatherings. Even if you don’t feel like connecting, taking that first step can often lead to a positive experience. Connecting with a community of people who accept and affirm you can make all the difference during the holidays. If you don’t have a community, there are ways to find one.
Look for local LGBTQIA+ organizations, affirming churches, or groups like Folx with Faith that support gatherings. There is an excellent resource called LGBTNearMe to help you on your journey of finding community. If you’re struggling to find community, reaching out online can also be a great way to connect. Virtual meetups and groups can help you feel less alone, even if you can’t be physically present with others.
Folx with Faith is also here to help you find community. Our chapters provide a space for queer individuals to connect, explore, and thrive spiritually. Whether you’re looking for a supportive group to join or thinking of starting a community, we have resources to support you on that journey.
2. Creating a Support Plan
The holidays can bring up grief—grief for family connections lost, traditions that are no longer, or even past holidays that felt difficult. It’s important to have a support plan for the upcoming months to help you navigate these emotions. Sometimes support comes in the form of friends or chosen family, and sometimes it means seeking professional help. There is no shame in reaching out for what you need.
Consider making a list of people and resources you can rely on during the holidays. This could include friends you can call, support groups to join, or professionals who understand your journey. Having a plan in place can make a significant difference when challenging moments arise.
Joining a support group can provide a safe space to talk about your experiences, especially for LGBTQIA+ individuals. LGBTQIA+ affirming therapists can also be instrumental in helping you navigate difficult emotions. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Here are some resources for those seeking support:
- The Trevor Project: Crisis intervention and mental health support for LGBTQIA+ youth.
- Trans Lifeline: A hotline for trans individuals needing peer support.
- LGBT National Help Center: Provides free and confidential support and information for LGBTQIA+ individuals.
Reclaiming the Holidays
3. Make the Holiday Yours
One of the most empowering things I ever did was decide to make the holidays my own. I let go of the pressure to conform to traditional ways of celebrating and instead found rituals that brought me joy and a sense of peace. This can mean creating new traditions that resonate with you—things that make you feel grounded, comforted, and seen.
Consider creating a beautiful space, even if it’s just for you. Decorate with things that make you happy. Maybe that means stringing up colorful lights, placing seasonal greenery around your home, or displaying meaningful objects that remind you of the beauty in the world. Even small touches can uplift your spirit and help you find the magic in the season.
The beauty of reclaiming the holidays is that they become an authentic expression of you. Whether it’s something as simple as having a cozy night in with your favorite movie or starting a new ritual of lighting a candle each night, these moments are yours to create.
Offering Support to Others
4. Spread the Joy
If you are someone who finds joy in the holiday season, consider how you might extend that joy to others who may be struggling. So many of us in the LGBTQIA+ community have faced difficult holidays—it can mean so much to be invited in by someone who genuinely cares. Perhaps you could host a small gathering or holiday meal for those who may not have anywhere else to go. Partnering with local affirming churches or community organizations is another great way to create spaces for others.
When I was young, I was kicked out of my community and my family after coming out. I felt lost and uncertain. It was the kindness of the people around me that inspired me to reclaim the joy that was my divine right. I will never forget the person who made sure I had housing after I was kicked out of Bible College. Years later, he told me that the day before we met, he had asked God to send someone he could help. The next day, I showed up in his life, and he felt called to offer me a place to stay while I got back on my feet.
The impact of this teaching cannot be overstated. It has led many LGBTQIA+ individuals to internalize feelings of unworthiness, to experience alienation from their faith communities, and even to face spiritual and emotional abuse. In some cases, it has led to attempts to “fix” or “change” one’s identity through harmful practices like conversion therapy, which has been widely discredited and condemned by medical professionals and religious leaders alike.
Having the Holidays Your Way
The holidays can be a complicated time for many of us. There is no “right” way to navigate this season. Whether you’re creating new traditions, reclaiming old ones, or finding solace in the beauty of a quiet moment, my hope is for you know that you are not alone. You deserve joy, connection, and peace—on your own terms. It is your divine right as an expression of divine love!
If you’re looking for a supportive community, Folx with Faith is here for you. We offer groups where you can connect with others who understand your journey and provide a space to explore spirituality without judgment.
Join us, sign up for our newsletter, and connect with our community: Folx with Faith Groups.
