Emotional intelligence gives us the tools to do just that. By identifying and naming our emotions, we gain clarity on what we’re dealing with. This clarity makes it easier to find effective ways to work through those emotions instead of feeling stuck in them. Whether it’s stress, overwhelm, fear, or even joy and excitement, naming the experience helps us understand what’s at play and what we need to move forward.
Having the right language also opens the door to better healing practices. For example, if I can identify that what I’m feeling is anxiety rather than just a general sense of discomfort, I can then seek out specific techniques—like mindfulness, grounding exercises, or even professional support—that directly address anxiety. The more precise we are in naming our emotions, the more targeted and effective our approach to managing them becomes. Instead of getting lost in the emotion, we’re empowered to work through it with intention and care.
Developing a Vocabulary of Emotional Intelligence
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené walks us through 87 emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. She maps out how these emotions show up in our lives and, more importantly, how giving them names can lead us toward more meaningful connections with others and ourselves. One of my favorite insights from the book is her reminder that accurately naming an experience doesn’t give it more power; it gives us more power. It’s like suddenly having the right tools in your toolbox—you know exactly what you need and when you need it.
One section that really resonated with me is where she talks about the difference between stress and overwhelm. Stress is something we can typically manage; it’s when the demands of a situation exceed our ability to cope in that moment. Overwhelm, on the other hand, is an entirely different beast. It’s that feeling of everything happening faster than we can handle—like our nervous system is on overload. Brené talks about how important it is to give ourselves the space to just be—to engage in mindful play or take time out with no agenda. It’s these small, intentional practices that can be the antidote to overwhelm.
Emotional Intelligence vs. Spiritual Bypassing: Facing Discomfort with Integrity
One challenge that often arises when developing emotional intelligence is the temptation to rush through uncomfortable emotions. This is where the concept of spiritual bypassing becomes relevant. Coined by psychologist John Welwood in the 1980s, spiritual bypassing refers to the use of spiritual beliefs, practices, or ideas as a way to avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, wounds, or difficult truths. It might manifest as leaning on positivity, “good vibes only” mantras, or even religious platitudes to sidestep pain, grief, or anger. While these approaches might provide temporary comfort, they prevent us from doing the deeper emotional work needed for authentic healing.
Emotional intelligence calls us to confront and process our emotions rather than bypassing them. True spiritual growth involves sitting with discomfort and acknowledging it as part of the journey. Instead of rushing to move past negative emotions, we can use emotional intelligence to recognize, name, and work through what we’re feeling, leading to genuine healing.
To avoid spiritual bypassing, it’s important to develop practices that encourage emotional awareness and self-compassion. This includes being honest with yourself about your feelings, allowing space for discomfort, and seeking support when needed—whether from a therapist, trusted friends, or spiritual guides who understand the importance of integrating both emotional and spiritual growth.
Building Emotional Intelligence
Now, building emotional intelligence is an ongoing journey, and there are so many resources available to support this growth. Therapy, for instance, is one of the best ways to develop a deeper understanding of our emotions. It provides a space to explore what we’re feeling and why—and helps us cultivate healthier responses. If therapy isn’t accessible to everyone, there are also fantastic books that can guide this journey. Besides Atlas of the Heart, I highly recommend The Emotional Intelligence Workbook by Jill Dann, which offers practical exercises for managing emotions.
Another great tool is the How We Feel app. It’s a free app designed to help users identify and process their emotions in real-time. Sometimes, just having a moment to check in with yourself and name what you’re feeling can be a game-changer. It’s a small but powerful practice that builds emotional awareness over time.
Exploring the “How We Feel” App: A Tool for Emotional Intelligence
The How We Feel app is a free emotion tracker designed by a team of scientists, designers, engineers, and psychologists to support emotional well-being. The app was developed under the leadership of Ben Silbermann, co-founder of Pinterest, with contributions from Dr. Marc Brackett and his team at the Yale University Center for Emotional Intelligence. The app aims to help users build emotional literacy, recognize patterns in their emotions, and learn strategies for emotional regulation.
How We Feel splits emotions into four categories—High Energy Unpleasant, High Energy Pleasant, Low Energy Unpleasant, and Low Energy Pleasant. Users can track their emotions through scheduled or random “check-ins” and select from a list of 30 descriptive words for each emotional state. Each word is accompanied by a detailed explanation, helping users expand their emotional vocabulary. The app also allows users to log details like what they’re doing, who they’re with, and where they are, along with other factors such as sleep, exercise, and meditation.
My Experience with the How We Feel App
I discovered the How We Feel app in June while navigating an emotionally challenging time, and it quickly became a game changer for me. This simple but powerful tool helped me acknowledge my emotions with grace and provided emotional regulation techniques that supported me through some difficult experiences.
What I found particularly valuable was how the app served two purposes. Like Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, it expanded my emotional vocabulary, allowing me to express more precisely what I was going through. Additionally, the tracking features enabled me to see trends—like where I was, who I was with, and what circumstances tended to impact my emotional state.
The app also offers a variety of resources, including breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, reframing exercises, and even creative prompts. These tools became invaluable during a period of significant loss, helping me to stay grounded and work through my emotions in a healthier way.
Emotional Intelligence & Community
Of course, we can’t talk about emotional intelligence without discussing the role of community. Emotional wellness thrives in spaces where we feel seen, heard, and supported. Finding or building a community that prioritizes empathy, respect, and genuine connection is crucial for emotional and spiritual growth. At Folx with Faith, we’re committed to creating environments where everyone is welcomed as their full, authentic selves—where emotional expression is honored, not bypassed.
If you’re looking for a place to explore these ideas more deeply, I encourage you to check out the resources we offer at Folx with Faith. We’re all about fostering emotionally intelligent, spiritually vibrant communities. You can join us for conversations, workshops, and gatherings that are designed to nurture both your emotional and spiritual well-being.
Join Us for Folx with Faith Live: Exploring Queer Mysticism
On August 24, I’ll be hosting a virtual session on queer mysticism as one of our monthly Folx with Faith Virtual Events. During this session, we’ll dive into the concept of mysticism, defining it clearly and exploring how it shows up across different religious and spiritual traditions. We’ll also highlight queer mystics and saints throughout history, celebrating the unique ways that queerness and mysticism intersect. If you’re curious about the spiritual experiences that transcend boundaries and want to learn more about queer mysticism, I invite you to join us for this enriching conversation.
Remember, you are an expression of divine love, and part of embracing that truth is honoring the full spectrum of your emotional experience. Let’s continue this journey together, building the language and tools we need to live more fully, love more deeply, and connect more authentically.
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References & Resources for Emotional Intelligence
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James Masters (he/him) is based out of Unity of Springfield, where he supports the community through community service and technology. He is a contributing author for the bestselling anthologies, The Courageous Heart, Enduring Wisdom, & The Grateful Soul.
He is a personal coach focusing on spiritual and relational development. He is also deeply passionate about providing shelter, food, and clothing to the vulnerable population within our local community.
His knowledge of technology and compassion for others is a significant contribution to our community.
